Thus is life.

Thus is life,
One long chain of moment-to-moment victories.

This galloping onward despite
Calcaneus screaming for us to stop,
The flesh hangs down in surrender; Bleeding.

We keep on
Suppressing that still, small voice that hungers to
Be still and know.

Oh, this dancing poly-happening...
Multiple sirs owe us!
We bang our fists on the dinner table.

We keep on,
Suppressing that little hungry voice
Catch your breath, wipe away your tears,
Let's go.

Mentor, Renewer, Friend.

Lurid stain of failure:
My magic marker dug through thin paper,
The visceral covering of my heart.

You knew that color,
Patches of it peeked through your sweatshirt.
My collarbone settled into the curve of your thumb and index finger.

It was like a dream,
Neon gave way to
Pastel harmony.

God was mentioned.
My eyes drew at their corners;
You stared straight inside.

My heartbeat drowned in sobbing noises;
You mentioned Him again,
Admonished to abide in grace, faithfully, again.

When I looked up
Into your eyes,
Your fingers melted through...

This sinking soul; you cradled me.
I felt my hope,
Renewed.

Father, God.

May all who seek You
rejoice and be glad in You;

May those who love Your
-salvation-
always say,

"The Lord be exalted!"

Yet, I am poor and needy;

May the Lord think of me.

YOU are my
Help
and my
Deliverer,

Oh, Father God,

do not delay.

Psalm 40:16-17
Amen.

Reasons Why

1. I'm discombobulated
2. I'm disorganized
3. I'm the biggest procrastinator I've ever met
4. I'm not dependable
5. I forget things easily
6. I'm proud
7. I'm selfish
8. I have addictive tendencies
9. I'm Liberal
10. I'm easily offended
11. I'm inconsistent
12. I'm loud
13. I'm self-righteous
14. I unnaturally enjoy being alone
15. I'm moody
16. I'm not a good listener
17. I'm not a good learner
18. I like being right more than I like being humbled
19. I'm annoyed by well-balanced, functioning adults

I didn't know there were going to be 19 when I started, but here they are.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they WILL CEASE; where there are tongues, they will BE STILLED; where there is knowledge, it WILL PASS AWAY.

I'm not ready to cease these 19. I'm not ready to still my tongue. I have too much knowledge and not enough grace to settle down right now. But I am ready for God to eclipse my afflictions:

every. single. day.

There are days that leave me weary for Heaven.

Christmas Eve is usually one of them.

Recently, Christmas has just been me and my immediate family.

My dad wasn't raised celebrating Christmas, so it's not his holiday by any means.

My mom's childhood Christmases were more focused on the magic that is Santa and his red velvet bag of toys.

I'm not saying I don't love getting and giving gifts.

And, my dad always tries his utmost best to join in during the holiday festivities.

But, my heart yearns to visit Jesus in the manger.

All these years when I begged Santa for a puppy, what I really wanted was to be a wise man or a shepherd boy.

I understand that now.

I understand that when I sing "joy to the world" at Coral Ridge Presbyterian's emphatic candle-lit Christmas Eve service, it is with a yearning for the true joy that will

Only be found when I'm in my Savior's arms.

I understand that no matter how much shiny paper of red, green, gold I shred with my fingertips, the gift inside, no matter how expensive, is not the

Gift of Gifts that God gave the world when He sent His son for us.

These earthly Christmastimes aren't for all of eternity, and

That's a good thing.

I can't wait to sing these carols with the angels someday.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Hypocrisy...

...Amazing hate,
Oblique the sound,
That stoned a bird
Like He.

I once was held,
But now I'm bound.
I've cried
And now, I see.

Live; Content.

Below are some words from a wise man named Max. The question is not 'are you addicted to porn?' but 'what is your porn?' We all have an idol(s) and we've all been addicted at one time or another. Our eyes can't stay on God's if our hands aren't holding on tight in a circle of community. Celebrate fellowship. Celebrate freedom from obedience to sin. Don't celebrate alone. Make friends... Jesus did.

"Using pornography is rarely about using pornography. It’s always about something else. For sex provides immediate power and gratification. It smothers anxiety and tension. Sex validates us, and makes us feel loved. And while these things may make us feel good and worthy at the time, they only empty us faster than we can be filled. Which keeps us going back again and again. Because it’s the fastest, easiest way to seek gratification when we are discontent and lonely.

Pornography THRIVES on loneliness.

A multi-billion dollar industry that depends on the exploitation of your loneliness.

A loneliness that doesn’t disappear with marriage or sex.

Loneliness disappears with contentment.

Contentment with who you are.

Contentment with who God created you to be.

Pornography is resistance.

The resistance against contentment.

Resistance stops us from living the lives we were meant to live"

Amen.