I went to the doctor yesterday...with my dad. Those of you out there who have dads understand me when I say that THIS WAS AWKWARD. I mean, seriously, who wants their upper-thirties, yuppy, Mary Kay lipglossed, youngish doctor asking about "your last menstrual cycle" with daddy-o in the room? Yep, not me folks. Anyway, I knew there were going to be "issues" before we even got there, as he was singing the doctor's last name at the top of his lungs. Let's just say she has a funny last name that sounds like "Phooey"...and he kept singing "Hey Dr. ........., how do you dooey?" I find that grown men find these precious nuggets of time where they can connect with their juvenile boyhood roots, where fart noises are not only accepted but encouraged, and making up songs about health care professionals is totally the norm.
So upon arrival, I was ever the thankful one when papi decided it was best for him to stick to the waiting room. He planted his arse in one of the oversized plastic chairs and smiled at the other people occupying the room, who just happened to be ALL WOMEN. I left him there, hoping he enjoyed whatever was playing on Lifetime overhead.
After having both nostrils, both ears and my mouth searched for any UFOs, I sat on the tissue paper sheet waiting for the brilliant doc. Do you ever notice how boring the posters are in these sort of rooms? The only semi-interesting thing I had to look at was a detailed animation of cervical cancer. If that doesn't have you jumping for joy while contemplating your next visit to your friendly neighborhood doc, I don't know what will!
So she finally breezed in....looking drop-dead stunning. How do these women do it? I mean where do you find time to shower in between checking heart beats and inspecting moles? Anyways, she informs me that "it looks like allergies" and hands me a Nasonex (for those of you living in caves, Nasonex is a saline nasal spray that burns like the dickins and smells like the sea). She tells me to keep taking my ALLERGY medication and get plenty of fluid/rest/whateverotherBSI'vehearda1,000timesbefore. ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY? I SCHLEPPED ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE WITH MY UNWASHED HAIR AND MY MINI PACK OF KLEENEXES FOR A MINI BOTTLE OF NOSE WASH? I was certain I had broncitus. (I know I spelled that wrong, sue me). I WAS EXPECTING ANTI-BIOTICS. But no. Let's just spray our nostrils twice in each and call it a day. Gee thanks.
However, it did get me outta my Pre-calc lecture, which is miracle enough for me.
Please pray that I sound less-than-toadish for prom on Friday. I'm pretty sure I'm going no matter what, but it would be nice to not have green goo rattling around in my chest.