Monday, September 28, 2009

Some things are good ya know

All day I complain
In my head
Even when I'm smiling, I complain
"How are you?"
"How are your classes?"
"How has your day been?"
I go to work. Joe tells me I have to wheel a patient to her car in the yellow parking lot. She's a new mom.
When I get to the room, she asks if she can have a minute. I say Fine
I look at the baby in the new dad's arms
"Is it a girl or boy?"(safe, I don't want to make a mistake and say the wrong thing. No one does anymore)
"Girl" (you can tell he's smiling when he says it)
"Oh, I thought so"
"My little girl"
The earth stops. He cries a little. Kisses her forehead. He's not fine, he's better.
When time starts again with a jerk, I ask more safe questions. "Did you know it was going to be a girl?", "Are you happy to be going home". But then I leave to drop something off at the nurse's station. I don't have to, but the incredible aura around him, such strong peace and love, is too strong for me to stand. I'm used to being miserable about all the work and stress and failure of my own personal problems. But just then, when he acknowledged his love for her in front of me, a stranger, I remembered what it felt like to really smile. To smile and mean it. To be a good listener without any noise. I'll remember that little girl forever, how she changed that man by just being alive. And, at least for a little while, I'll stop being fine. Because some things are great ya know.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I was born in L.A....I have celebrity needs

I don't need luxurious things to make me happy.
I take pride in my detachment to materialistic things. We moved this summer from a house I had lived in for a little over seven years, initials in the cement and everything, and I didn't shed one tear. I don't take pride in this. I wish I was more sentimental than this when it comes to where I live, what car I'm driven in, etc... However, there are a few things that make me unhappy, frustrated, and stressed.
1) unclean cups
2) dusty chairs
3) flies
4) sticky floors
5) dog hair
6) public restrooms
I know it's irrational. I understand that I'm a spoiled, selfish, unappreciative American. But oh man, it doesn't matter what I do, these six things make me cringe and shake with anger all over. Just a few years ago, my family decided to take an R.V. trip. We went to Yellowstone. It was beautiful...absolutely breathtaking. However, the R.V. shower...not so much. It was here I discovered communal showers...ones that required .25 for every 15 min. Hello, do you know who you're dealing with here? This is the girl who was horrified this summer during vacation when she realized the shower in the apartment her family rented didn't have hot water...even though it was close to 100 degrees outside. The same chick who spends 30 MINUTES AT LEAST taking a shower every day, because she takes time to actually enjoy the experience. Anyway, when I started high school last year, I was almost entirely pleased with the women's restroom except...
1) It's as cold as hell's brother in there
2) The water from the sink isn't warm until after 2nd period
3) The toilet paper is not anywhere near being soft. For is barely one ply.

So, just the other day during 2nd period (the dreaded pre-calc ugh) I went to the bathroom because I was feeling stupid and needed a break and VOILA! Someone had magically removed the one ply toilet paper and replaced it with some very thick Charmin Ultra. Let me just say, this was proof again that there is a God above who loves me. I fingered it in wonder...who was the lovely janitorial person who had removed the other toilet paper wanna-be, set it on top of the dispenser, and replaced it with what looked like a BRAND NEW ROLL OF REAL TOILET PAPER? I had to meet this person. Kiss their feet, give them a thank you note! At least, shake their hand, and shout with passion, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!" Then I gasped. No, I couldn't even think it. OF COURSE the person who so lovingly replaced the paper in my stall did it to the others. Or did they? I unlatched the door, and quickly checked the other stalls. omg. The others were still the same crappy toilet paper as before. How could this be? HOW COULD THIS BE? I looked around, scared now. SOMEONE WAS WATCHING ME, I COULD FEEL IT! But no, alas, there was no one else in the freezing little room. This luck just happened to fall in my hands on this exact day for no apparent reason. Or was it something else? I don't believe in Karma, but folks, I admit with pride that I have never cussed at school. Oh I have been tempted, many, many times. But never have I ever actually stated out loud a four lettered sin...(I don't believe cussing is a sin--for dramatic effect).
And wouldn't you know the next day I said d***it and ruined my squeaky clean record.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Like you, my friend, I like you

Some people are just plain inspirational
I used to be inspired by Oprah. I loved her "favorite things" episodes, when she would give all her favorite things of the year to the audience. I thought that school she built in Africa for those girls was the coolest thing anyone had ever done ever, and I dreamed of doing things like that if I ever fell into wealth. Then, I got annoyed by too many "Aha! moments"and "What I know for sures", and my admiration for her simmered down.
These days, I'm more inspired by the real people in my life. People that inspire that Mr. Roger's song from forever ago, 'You Are Special', to play in my head. Here's a few lines:

You are my friend
You are special
You are my friend
You're special to me.
You are the only one like you.
Like you, my friend, I like you.

My friend Olivia, for example. We met last year, when I came to a new high school. Our school is very difficult, and yet she still finds time to be an amazing horseback rider (I'm sure there's a cooler word than 'horseback rider', but horses scare me, so I wouldn't know) and an amazing friend to everyone who's lucky enough to know her as one. So..yeah..I'm afraid of horses. I won't deny it. Maybe it's an irrational fear, but after I watched someone fall off their horse, I viewed these hoofed mammals differently. Olivia has survived falling off her horse several times, and actually chases horses around for fun. Excuse me. Come again? Why don't you just jump in a pool with a killer whale and play water polo. This is amazing to me..amazingly cool!! I wish I had the guts to do that. I wish I had the skill of being a good listener, and a patient learner. I'm working at these things everyday...but for now, I have the privilege of knowing Olivia, who does all of these things without trying. I'm blessed to know you, livvy love..thanks for everything :)

Another thing, every day, people my age die for no reason at all. They go to get coffee, and walk into the sidewalk without waiting for the light to turn green...they hit their head in the shower, they get hit in their car by a drunk driver on their way to a party, they get mugged and shot and raped and blahblahblah I don't want to think about it! What I do want to think about, and be better at doing, is telling the people I love how much I care about them. If someone you know is a joy to love, tell them! You don't know how many days you've got left, and even though it takes time to count blessings, it's totally worth it!

(p.s.....sorry about the bosco stick picture, guys. It's not showing up on my 'crappy day' post, maybe in defiance of all my bad comments aimed at Bosco sticks :)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Everyone who had a crappy day, say "aye"

There is very rarely a time when I have good luck.
I know some people don't believe in luck, and others let it rule their lives by spending all their money in Vegas or on lotto tickets, but my luck is more like the casual ray of sunshine that lands on you during a good hair day like a golden spotlight. Today, my parents had a meeting, so I was gonna order food at school. Since I'm a vegetarian (woo-hoo! aren't we cool!!), I struggle to enjoy my school's lunches, because honestly, the veggie options taste like crap. My mom also had a meeting yesterday (she usually brings my lunch everyday cuz she's cool like dat) so I was forced to eat Bosco sticks.


For those of you who don't know what a Bosco stick is, refer to the image above. Sure, they look all cheesy, salty, and delicious...but they're really oily, stale, and make your stomache feel crappy..(well this is my experience with them, yours might be different). Anyway, today I was pumped because it was BLACK BEAN BURGER DAY!!! HOORAY!! I got to school early, ordered my burger with conviction, and smiled every time I thought of the great lunch I was gonna have. When I got to Pre-Calc second period, I spent the majority of the time between "so frustrated I want to rip up the marker board" and "on the verge of hot and angry tears". I hate that feeling. The one where everyone is getting it, writing the answers without any confusion, and understanding how they got there. Still, every few minutes I would chant it in my head while praying for some light-bulb of understanding, "black bean burger, black bean burger, black bean burger..." and I actually felt happier. The greatest moment of failure during class was when my whole group got the same answer, "A", and proceeded to ask me what I got for the same question:

"So, what did you guys get for #6?"



"I got A too" "Alright!" "Oh yeah!!" (high-fiving simultaneously)

"Hey Caroline, what did you get?"

Me: (deep sighing) "B, (In a really quiet but seriously salty voice) math can suck it, seriously"

And everyone laughed, because that is truly the most innappropriate thing I've ever said at school. But anyway, I kept chanting to myself about lunch..

Fast-forward to lunch. The line nearly wraps around the school (ok not really, but it was soo long) and I'm in the back. When I finally got to the front of the line, the lady says, "Sorry, your name's not on the list". Let me just say that yesterday, I brought this same lady a sunflower because I knew she was probably stressed, (since she's new to the front desk and all) and I know it's not her fault that my name wasn't on the list, but I was mad at her like no one's business. I said, "Wait, I have a witness!", and showed her my fellow classmate who has the same 1st period class as me (where our 'lunch count' was taken). His name was ALSO not on the list and when he realized this, he was salty. "You'll have to stand on the outside of the line and wait 'til everyone whose name is on the list gets their lunch first. If there's a lunch leftover, we'll give it to you", she said. And with that, she placed a nice black bean burger on the side for me. 10 min. later, my burger was gone, as was everything else. But wait!! She could give me some "Bogo sticks" from yesterday. Ok, I believe I clarified my hate for Bosco sticks, but in that moment, I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

I went to the bathroom and sobbed. Crying is good sometimes. Especially when you can laugh about something like the new front desk lady calling Bosco sticks Bogo sticks. Anyway, I talked to my advisor about it (referencing the silliness of it all several times) and she gave me her apple and $2 for the vending machine. It was such a nice gesture, and I wish I could say I refused honorably, but I didn't. Moments like these remind me that I'm still young, and so blessed to have wonderful people around me everyday :) (even if they do give me a lot of homework)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A note about Jesus' sandals

I never really thought people looked at my shoes
but today, during my Government class, I had the following discussion with the student sitting to my right.

"I hate Jesus sandals!"
Me: "What?"
"You know, when girls wear sandals like what Jesus wore. It's like, NO! Those are his sandals. And they're not even nice looking without the big robe he wore. I mean, that robe covered them most of the time anyway."
Me: "Well I guess people think they're still in style..."
"My people don't need to be wearin no Jesus sandals. We wear J's, 'forces, Tims, fuhlip-fuhlops!"
Me: "Hang on..what are Jay's? And..vorces?!?"
"It's like..if you saw someone carryin a staff around like Moses', you would not stand for that. I would not stand for that. I'ma gonna beat up anyone who carries around a Moses staff, cuz you just don't do that!"

and then the teacher interrupted. "As I'm looking around at this class, I can already judge who's going to pass by the people working quietly and dilligently, and those who are choosing to live below the line and socialize with their neighbors."
so yeah..conversation over.
But I've been learning a LOT of new things from people in Government. For example : new words.

1. Salty: pissed, upset.

When our teacher asked the class to write adjectives on the board that we believed described 'government', someone wrote 'salty'. He said he wouldn't erase it because he was too curious to learn the definition. 3 people began to talk over one another to prove it was a real word. "You know, like if you get slapped in the face by your friend, you feelin salty!" "Or like Nixon in the Watergate scandal, that dude was saaal tay!"
Laughing ensued, but I appreciated adding the new word to my lexicon.

The vocab lesson continued with this word:

2. Grimey: doin u wrong or dirty... backstabbin...

Many of my classmates agreed that American government promised things only to go back on the words said. They felt deceived, and were unsure whether or not they could trust any politicians.
I'm really enjoying this class, and look forward to learning new things everyday.

And go deep.
let's now talk about feelings :)
here's a poem of mine. it's an original so don't rip me off and use it for something and say that it's yours...cuz that's plain grimey and you don't want to see my salty way! It'll scare you. anyways...karma. remember that.

Go out that door and find the sunset you've been missing
Follow that sound, you hear it everywhere,
because no one cares
Because no one knows

They've all lived
They've all chosen

This is your choice and it's broken.
Soar through your soul
Fly before Heaven, take control

Home is gone
Without one your feet will carry you on

Where are you going? It's great not knowing. That's how your life is...this life that's yours.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Scarlet and Grey, hip-hip hooray!

Ohio |ōˈhī-ō|
a state in the northeastern U.S., bordering on Lake Erie; pop. 11,353,140; capital, Columbus; statehood, Mar. 1, 1803 (17). It was acquired by Britain from France in 1763 and by the U.S. in 1783 after the American Revolution.

You know when I feel least like an Ohioan?

When I'm sitting at a gate headed for Columbus in an airport, and I look around at all the lovely folks I'm flying with.  Right now I'm in Newark, sitting in one of those blue chairs that are all connected in a line, waiting for my plane to board.  Across from me is a young, whiny chick in a bright hoodie: Tiffany promise ring on the right hand, shiny, new engagement ring on the left with a matching band.  Obviously a newlywed, she's complaining to someone next to her about the line she stood in for security, how it was so crowded and hot she thought she was gonna faint.  She crouched down, put her head in between her knees, and talked to herself so she wouldn't lose consciousness.  She didn't want to be prevented from getting on the plane.  The guy who's listening, nodding and "yep-yepping" has a heavyheavy Southern accent, and proceeds to 1-up her when she's finished, recounting his hellish ride on an air tram.  
Look, I know it's bad.  We've all been squeezed into one of those trains, and I agree it's not the Disney World monorail by any means....
but must we hear his tale WORD-FOR-WORD-FOR-WORD-FOR-WORD?
The men, and I'm talking adults now, behind me, are talking about burping and the best energy drinks.  
I started talking to hoodie girl.  She claps sometimes when she talks, very enthusiastic.  My mom took over the conversation, until the little high-pitched Chinese dude behind the desk interrupted to announce that our flight was delayed longer.  Hoodie lady calls her husband, tells him she wished she was wearing her "comfy clothes", and she might get something to drink.  
Then there's Flippy.
Flippy's short, a little red in the face and he definitely looks P/O'd.  He goes up to behind-the-desk guy, and YELLS!!  It's a blur of words, that ends with
"I've dealt with a LOT of LOSERS in my lifetime, but you. are. WORTHLESS!!!"
And so I get up to buy an over-priced water bottle from a book store that only sells trashy love novels and celebrity autobiographies.

The above is simply a hyperbolic rant.  I  love Ohio, and the people in it.  Including the cows and the Buckeyes.  I have nothing against hoodies, newlyweds, Asians, red-faced people, or the sarcastically labeled "hoodie girl".  She was quite nice and compassionate.