Wednesday, January 27, 2010


So I'm at school right now and it's a time for silent reading but I'm not in the mood to do that...I would really like to go work on my art project but I'm just stuck to this stupid chair. And what's with a teacher just standing at the front of the room, watching people work? I feel policed, like I should hand prof a baton or something. The minute someone starts talking it's "Are you okay? Do you need something? Are you reading?"
I'm just not liking today.
haha I'm such a whiner.
And I'm sick of 'The Great Gatsby'

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I'm posting this, because there might be someone who's ever felt this way.

I wrote this a long time ago, in a notebook. When I was writing in it yesterday for homework, I found it. It's very metaphorical and dark (probably one of the darkest ones I've written). I constantly find these random poems (ramblings?) and I just feel like it won't do any good staying where it is. I'm learning to love myself (and my dreams) these days...drama included :)

I am judged
As you dry up everything I like about myself
And leave the faults
I'm left with my faults

I am loved
Under a microscope that searches me for anything you dislike
I'm staring into your eyes

Breaking like a glass that shines unpure

Here you go, here's my skin
You can take what you see
but leave my soul

It's desperate
This calling
That haunts me when I dream
I know I'm not
good enough for it
Thank you for reminding me.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I don't think I love her, but SOMETIMES she's slightly funny (read 'Three sets of ten''s entry)

I used to like Heather Armstrong.
She was relatable and quirky and not perfect.
And able to say that.
Then...I guess she got rich?
No lie...she's truly starting to get on my nerves.
A bit pretentious.
I don't know if it's because she doesn't really know who she is.
Or because she just had a baby.
But she's kind of super annoying now.
HOWEVER!!!---this recent post is pretty funny...even though it's slightly stuffy ("yo heather, not all of us can afford a personal trainer, or even a gym membership, thanks" :) (p.s. "i was like your daughter leta, and even though you'll probably like marlo more, maybe you should realize that you could be a lot like leta, and that's why you struggle with her...") haha she'll never read this.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Last night we were in a cabin

Mascaraed eyes
Blinking back at this screen
Too bright for
I'm thinking

Last night
Amongst wintered trees
Bare of leaves
Living above a ground
Snow and burnt orange earth
Too beautiful for
I lost mine

We sleep in "civilization"
Secretly grateful
For all of our comfort
But I know
This life is a mask
For what He made
Is closer to his Heaven

I'm thinking
I'm weakened
By my own inability
To desire that seclusion
That perfection
Those dirty

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Written in the voice of a man distraught

Hang on Lucy Goosy!
One day the stars will fall with you...
But today, be patient

Are you listening when I speak to you?
Or are you already thinking about tomorrow?
I'll be gone tomorrow
I'll be gone by tonight

Have you forgot your promise to me?
You said you'd miss me
And it seems like you missed me
For a day

How long will you be here?
Silly silent goose
My open book
My favorite modern interpretation
Of real love
And love me too

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

I think I'm a flower

This house is so dry
Sometimes I swear I can feel my throat chafing
My ashy tonsils wish they could sing again
But the air is free of moisture
Water doesn't quench the thirst of this winter

My dreams are so big
Sometimes I swear I can feel my fingers buzzing; feet itching to go where I feel needed
But the days are like one sewn together Monday
Time doesn't bring a new morning

I wish I could start running
And not get tired
I like watching other things living
But the need to watch is deeper than the need to run
I don't want to stand here long enough to
Join the grass

I think I'm a flower

Tempted by light rain and
Little Sun
To open early
And stay where my roots have been

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Week of Poetry Day 3, one I wrote awhile ago

Why do we cry at someone’s death we do not truly love?

Is it because we realize the sudden, instant inability to grow with another soul when they look the way we’ve painted them in our earthly minds?

When we hear the rain, and watch lightning light up the orange-gray sky with angry veins, and wonder how the view is from Heaven…

Do we miss Heaven more?

How do you miss something you’ve never seen, like crying for a miscarried dream?

I’ve seen the tears washed up on oceans too powerful to feel in dreams fuzzy like ferns

And let me tell you, they look like tears.

Slow like me

Those few
With fire under them
I admire the way they run
The crown of olives they have earned
Green with life for

Those that slow down
To notice the beauty
I admire the way they see things
In a romantic, dreamy, lights turned low
"I see you "
Sort of way

I was born slowed
Already humming to the march of my delayed footsteps
Glancing at every eye in the room
To see if anyone else
Was slow like me

Monday, January 11, 2010

'Twas summed up today

Stare back at me
And leave your judgement on a shelf
Put your comments somewhere else
Stare back at me

Stare back at me
Into eyes too dark to be pretty
Rimmed with a hope in such pure a form
It could grow a seed in an evil storm
Stare back at me

Stare into me
Breathe when I choose to
Because this moment is flawless
Exempt from forced kindness
Because I've had a bad day
Stare into me

Help me to smile
Because I need your strength lent
Right now
I'm not feeling optimistic
About my ability to love beyond fear of embarrassment
Try your best
To show me how
Help me to smile

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Grow up, you can't be everybody's friend

We get in a debate
She and I
Before she leaves
About what it means
To have friends that matter
And she'd rather give her time to those that matter
Than those that don't care
Either way

I'm still young-headed
And yell back at her logic
"I can try!" I shout
We all have potential!

sees through my argument
some people just don't
not everyone will come to your wedding

And I know she's right
But I get hot
Mad...shaken up
Because I know I've tried and failed
more than once
with more than one person
with my idealistic
rose colored glasses

Last year
I walked through fire
and the color
is starting to melt off my lenses

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

It's 2010 brotha!!! Smile pretty!!!


That's all I gotta say.

First off....I might just fail pre-calculus...again. I understand it perfectly well...until I take a test.

It's so cold outside I just want to walk around with coals in my pants.

And finally, I'm getting annoyed with the earlier darkness since winter's come.

Let me start off by saying I kicked off the new year in style.
Went to a party...hosted by a pretty famous business man in Florida.
Watched everyone else get crazy about the lobster and filet mignon dinner.
Wore a party hat with feathers before midnight = awesomeness.
Marveled at fireworks shot off the beach.
Looked at antique and extremely expensive cars and vespas belonging to unnamed business man.

It was a blast. And let's not forget the resolutions!!
(A couple years ago, my resolution was to be a vegetarian...and I kept it. I hope that's a good omen for 2010 since last year's "write more letters to my friends" reso. was kind of a bust.

Uno. Gym membership. Need to work out and tone. Maybe it will give me energy, maybe it will make me feel a little closer to being fit.

2. Learn how to sew. Preferably baby things that can be given as baby shower gifts. How cute would it be to receive a little pink dress handmade by a friend?

And... Spread a little more joy

I'd like to end this post mentioning the fact that my first day back to school went poorly. I got so upset during Pre-calc that I actually started shaking, and then I used the "independent study time" to take a walk around the school and cry a little. I'm becoming one of those cliche rebel-at-heart-sick-of-the-small-town whack jobs found in Lifetime movies.

But that walk helped me get it together.

Because life is not measured in bad days. It's measured in days that take you breath away, remind you why life is great, or inspire you to be a better person. It's measured in prayers answered, successes after failures, and trying your best.

This year try your best! Don't let this year just fly shouldn't be forgotten!! Remember every moment and smile!