Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I was born in L.A....I have celebrity needs

I don't need luxurious things to make me happy.
I take pride in my detachment to materialistic things. We moved this summer from a house I had lived in for a little over seven years, initials in the cement and everything, and I didn't shed one tear. I don't take pride in this. I wish I was more sentimental than this when it comes to where I live, what car I'm driven in, etc... However, there are a few things that make me unhappy, frustrated, and stressed.
1) unclean cups
2) dusty chairs
3) flies
4) sticky floors
5) dog hair
6) public restrooms
I know it's irrational. I understand that I'm a spoiled, selfish, unappreciative American. But oh man, it doesn't matter what I do, these six things make me cringe and shake with anger all over. Just a few years ago, my family decided to take an R.V. trip. We went to Yellowstone. It was beautiful...absolutely breathtaking. However, the R.V. shower...not so much. It was here I discovered communal showers...ones that required .25 for every 15 min. Hello, do you know who you're dealing with here? This is the girl who was horrified this summer during vacation when she realized the shower in the apartment her family rented didn't have hot water...even though it was close to 100 degrees outside. The same chick who spends 30 MINUTES AT LEAST taking a shower every day, because she takes time to actually enjoy the experience. Anyway, when I started high school last year, I was almost entirely pleased with the women's restroom except...
1) It's as cold as hell's brother in there
2) The water from the sink isn't warm until after 2nd period
3) The toilet paper is not anywhere near being soft. For is barely one ply.

So, just the other day during 2nd period (the dreaded pre-calc ugh) I went to the bathroom because I was feeling stupid and needed a break and VOILA! Someone had magically removed the one ply toilet paper and replaced it with some very thick Charmin Ultra. Let me just say, this was proof again that there is a God above who loves me. I fingered it in wonder...who was the lovely janitorial person who had removed the other toilet paper wanna-be, set it on top of the dispenser, and replaced it with what looked like a BRAND NEW ROLL OF REAL TOILET PAPER? I had to meet this person. Kiss their feet, give them a thank you note! At least, shake their hand, and shout with passion, "THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!" Then I gasped. No, I couldn't even think it. OF COURSE the person who so lovingly replaced the paper in my stall did it to the others. Or did they? I unlatched the door, and quickly checked the other stalls. omg. The others were still the same crappy toilet paper as before. How could this be? HOW COULD THIS BE? I looked around, scared now. SOMEONE WAS WATCHING ME, I COULD FEEL IT! But no, alas, there was no one else in the freezing little room. This luck just happened to fall in my hands on this exact day for no apparent reason. Or was it something else? I don't believe in Karma, but folks, I admit with pride that I have never cussed at school. Oh I have been tempted, many, many times. But never have I ever actually stated out loud a four lettered sin...(I don't believe cussing is a sin--for dramatic effect).
And wouldn't you know the next day I said d***it and ruined my squeaky clean record.

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