Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Scarlet and Grey, hip-hip hooray!

Ohio |ōˈhī-ō|
a state in the northeastern U.S., bordering on Lake Erie; pop. 11,353,140; capital, Columbus; statehood, Mar. 1, 1803 (17). It was acquired by Britain from France in 1763 and by the U.S. in 1783 after the American Revolution.

You know when I feel least like an Ohioan?

When I'm sitting at a gate headed for Columbus in an airport, and I look around at all the lovely folks I'm flying with.  Right now I'm in Newark, sitting in one of those blue chairs that are all connected in a line, waiting for my plane to board.  Across from me is a young, whiny chick in a bright hoodie: Tiffany promise ring on the right hand, shiny, new engagement ring on the left with a matching band.  Obviously a newlywed, she's complaining to someone next to her about the line she stood in for security, how it was so crowded and hot she thought she was gonna faint.  She crouched down, put her head in between her knees, and talked to herself so she wouldn't lose consciousness.  She didn't want to be prevented from getting on the plane.  The guy who's listening, nodding and "yep-yepping" has a heavyheavy Southern accent, and proceeds to 1-up her when she's finished, recounting his hellish ride on an air tram.  
Look, I know it's bad.  We've all been squeezed into one of those trains, and I agree it's not the Disney World monorail by any means....
but must we hear his tale WORD-FOR-WORD-FOR-WORD-FOR-WORD?
The men, and I'm talking adults now, behind me, are talking about burping and the best energy drinks.  
I started talking to hoodie girl.  She claps sometimes when she talks, very enthusiastic.  My mom took over the conversation, until the little high-pitched Chinese dude behind the desk interrupted to announce that our flight was delayed longer.  Hoodie lady calls her husband, tells him she wished she was wearing her "comfy clothes", and she might get something to drink.  
Then there's Flippy.
Flippy's short, a little red in the face and he definitely looks P/O'd.  He goes up to behind-the-desk guy, and YELLS!!  It's a blur of words, that ends with
"I've dealt with a LOT of LOSERS in my lifetime, but you. are. WORTHLESS!!!"
And so I get up to buy an over-priced water bottle from a book store that only sells trashy love novels and celebrity autobiographies.

The above is simply a hyperbolic rant.  I  love Ohio, and the people in it.  Including the cows and the Buckeyes.  I have nothing against hoodies, newlyweds, Asians, red-faced people, or the sarcastically labeled "hoodie girl".  She was quite nice and compassionate.


  1. Welcome to the blogger family Caroline... From what I have skimmed thus far, it seems that you have a knack for it!

  2. I enjoyed the rant...it was quite interesting and well done...it reminds me of iCarly...actually you sort of look like Carly...love that show! Keep blogging and I'll keep reading...