XVII

There is something so glamorous about prophesying your own story.
Something so unequivocally thrilling as to,
Make your own God hat, wear it around.

There are things so alluring about making grand proclamations,
Loudly justifying exquisitely screwed-up life decisions;
It's easy to follow sheep.

Where did the Shepherd go?

Oh hell, I don't know...but I'll just follow the rest of this white wool...

There are moments that nudge me toward buying the manual,
Giddy, gloriously feminine,
Blissfully labeled, skillfully maneuvering
my every motion for the taking,
Drifting with the tide.

There are reasons for echoing words delusional,
Paper-mache, congregation-manipulated illusion,
Beautiful but fake.

If I expected this culturally whitewashed
Buddy-system brainwashed
One way sign
To lead me

If I was fine all the time
Lived minus fine lines
Black and white, "God is good!"
Inauthentic trying times

I wouldn't Believe,
Couldn't imagine dreaming outside the box,
Pulling my ears out of the clouds.

Make my own God hat, wear it around.

Taryn's Blessing

May your plans be interrupted, disrupted, rearranged.

May you find yourselves far outside your comfort zones.

May your waters be stirred and your weaknesses laid bare so that the beauty of God could be made more visible.

May all you lack be used by Him as well as all you have.

May your vulnerability be an act of worship.

May your Christ-centered minds be sharpened, hearts softened, eyes widened, hands opened and wills daily relinquished to Your King.

May you realize the seemingly serendipitous moments in your life have been orchestrated by an all-knowing, plan-having, loving Father.

May your own agendas not get in the way of God’s.

May these cornfields surrounding you be a constant reminder of a the beautiful, sometimes confusing, truth-unearthing and life-altering season in which God has placed you to grow, become, thrive and catapult you into changing the world.

May your devotion to Jesus be unwavering.

If the moment your own dream dies and God’s dream for your life taking root has not yet arrived, may it soon.

May you with all boldness wave the white flag over your life and offer it to God as His loving channel meeting human needs to His glory.

May you not choose the path of least resistance but of greatest submission to Your Creator.

May every step you take across this campus, every credit hour accrued, every movement you make towards that moment your diploma is placed in your hands be another layer of your surrender to God.

May your cap thrown in the air your last day on this campus be your symbol of a life offered up, a lifetime of servanthood to the SERVANT OF ALL.

AMEN.

Lining of my heart

Starting from the outer edges
Of my already cold elbows
I sometimes feel goosebumps

This thought invades my mind
Every few breaths
That if I give in to the number in front of the
Ne, Cl, H, Fe, Mn, H...HHHH!

To the writing of notes with my fingers
More than my own words
That if I drown in the words from the mouths of profs
Not, My, Own.

I'll lose my friends...
"You're different, why?"
My art
"I don't write anymore"
The lining of my heart.

I know my life is scrawled on an assertive scroll
Nothing I say can change that
But change worries me,
Nontheless.

September 12th, still reeling

So indescribably tethered to back home...

When her grandpa died on 9/11/11
I was reminded
Of the life I could have had
But ran away from

Of what she'll have
With those people
Who've always known her name
Were just getting to know mine

I'm blessed beyond any chemical
Atomic level
Grainy picture of the inside of my heartbeat
And you'd see just how happy I feel

Never do I cry here
Well rarely ever
Periods might make me
From time to time

But time isn't something you can hold in your hand
Or even in a moment

Raindrops blinding my determinedly opened eyes
When I stayed my running steps
For the hundredth time

As the flag surprised me,
Waved above me
I was reminded

Of the life I could have had
Was raised away from

Save the Date

Bound by inhibitions
I sit up and raise my hand
I like the sound of my voice, to often, more than the words
The voiceless, invisible white noises resound
A blur of too many devotion-lacking nights
And whispers reserved, now dead

Yes, it was something you said
That made me want to curl back into that bathroom
Where I'd look out the window, onto that street
Envision walking down that road,
And never looking back

The funny thing about feeling victomed
Is it comes from you, into others
It's like, genetic or something
Whatever, no one cares, poor me
And she says it now because she likes the sound of her voice

Yes, it was something you did
That makes me want to shackle my hands behind my waist
Already enslaved
At least I can say, "I make my own decisions",
And never looking back

love.

I'd rather not build up a single block
If it meant waking up mornings later, sooner than it felt
A breathing person beside me, in the shadow of a tower I built
Flag swaying at its top
With a big red heart
So everyone would know
I was in love

I am in love
And everyday, I fall further
Completely unnecessary is it for someone to come along
Lead me through the Word He gave for everyone
Not two
Every one

Towers fall on either side
I see them come crashing and spring up
Peripheral and right before my eyes
I am in no hurry
For any but He
who gave His life

We answer to the King individually
What we bond so extremely,
However young,
Will be separated
The day we wake up
Finally at home

Ombre

Sometimes I hear something so worshipful
With no words
No big, "let's raise our hands, arms together" moment

Lonely but fully companioned
Cognizant but blissfully unaware
Caught up but grounded by itty goosebumps

Air all a'chill
Frozen, stilled by classical piano
I don't even have it in me to gasp at the drop
Warmed inside, heart held by hands that made us able

Vibrant blue, green to violet
Violent red that turns to rust
Dust to dust
And yet I marvel

"He knows it's scary to be us"
Yes, that is always true
Fragment of joy, however short its time
Is greater than this phrase of mine

Soul raised, lifted higher than my hands can reach
With no words
Such a big, "I can't see my hands, arms" moment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XK7y47M7Hk