Thursday, December 17, 2009

We are just breakable girls and boys

Sometimes I get moody like the people I silently judge everyday.
When I get upset at people, I'll let them have it. My anger is usually directed at people who don't listen when I speak, really listen, when I feel them dismiss me simply with their eyes. Also, people who say stupid things because they think they sound smart, or who write things and don't even understand what they're saying. I get so mad at people at school who couldn't give a crap what happens to the people around them. The people who seem to be just existing. I feel that way sometimes, but not all the time, and never when it comes to people. I'm way too over-analytical to be that way, and I seriously don't understand people who couldn't care less about anyone but themselves, and the people they've known their whole lives.
I compare it to a twig snapping.
That's how my monster self happens.
I'll just say things I don't really mean. Say how mad I am and really hurt people with what I say. I'm not great at it, but I get better everyday. I wish so much I could just tape my mouth shut when I'm halfway through, but that's like fuel to the already blazing fire. And the truth is, maybe it doesn't hurt the person as much as I think it should. Maybe I care too much (yes I care too much) but then I forget how to apologize, the words "I'm sorry" escape my lexicon, and my day continues.
Reminds me of this song by Ingrid Michaelson called 'Breakable':
"Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of ribs and other various parts."
I don't know how yet, but I'm going to stop shooting burning arrows at the soft hearts of people who annoy me too much...
*this post was inspired by the joy that is christmas, the miracle that is hanukah, and the wonder that is snow.

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