Monday, November 2, 2009

well i knew this day was coming

I joined a lyrical dance class. It's the first dance class I've ever really taken as a young adult. I took tap when I was ten for a year, and ballet when I was five. I got inspired watching contemporary dance on youtube...I wanted it more than anything! I was so pumped...and I did well for classes 1,2, & 3. This time though, I watched most of the time. It was very awkward, me trying to be polite about the fact that I didn't understand and wanted to "sit out" most of the small routines. What was very embarrassing was...the second exercise that I didn't even try seemed to be the easiest for everyone else. Our teacher used ballet terms I had never heard, and my head was spinning just watching her demonstrate. It was a bit depressing, but I'm gonna make myself go back. I think I'll share this for anyone who's ever felt this way before:

They are all so beautiful,

Slender like blades of grass, gracefully dancing across the floor.

I wait until the next set of girls moves up, and I sneak behind all of them

I don’t understand the steps.

This is all so easy for them

Like baby food.

I watch in awe

I wish I could move like that

So beautiful.

I laugh at myself inside

For signing up

And laying out all my money

Thinking I would just

Learn it all

I could keep up!

But here I am.

I clumsily follow the next routine

Missing all the turns and jumps

At the end we’re supposed to free style.

I stop where she stopped teaching

And watch the other girls move like poetry in motion

Elegance dipped in youth.

I’m as still as a statue

Arms crossed

Fighting back tears

It moves me to near crying

So beautiful

But sad

I’ll never get there

“NO!” I shout back to that little voice

“That’s not true…I’ll get there!”

I’m bigger than all the other girls

It shouldn’t matter

At my age

But it does

Cuts like a razor

I “dance to the music” in my own room

Move to words that raise goosebumps when I’m not the 15th girl

Who makes partnering uneven

I’m too uncomfortable

Too big

They’re all so beautiful


  1. But Caroline, you are beautiful.

  2. i meant beautiful dancing :) but OH MY GOSH THANK YOU I LOVE YOU THAT MADE ME CLAP MY HANDS WITH JOY!!!